**Baby poop alert.**
Holy Crap. Literally. I kinda thought I had this whole diapering thing down after the almost 3 months of constant diapering. I guess I was wrong. Who knew it could defy gravity like that? NASA has got to start studying this stuff.
It sounded like a normal baby poop. I waited a little bit to make sure she was finished. Then I laid her on the changing mat. All normal so far. Then I noticed something on her onesie near her belly button. I unsnapped and OMG. It had all come up the front. All up out of the diaper and somehow down her leg. There was a lot and it was gross.
After staring for a little bit wondering exactly where to start, I grabbed a wipe. I figured I'd get the biggest mess on first. One swipe and that wipe was out of commission. So I grabbed another and another and another. I put them in the diaper once they were used. Then Eliana's hand got all in the mess. So I wiped that off before she stuck it in her mouth (if she had, I would have thrown up right there) and moved the diaper. I kinda moved it around her head, but a wipe full of nasty poop fell out and now she had poop in her hair. Of course. By this time I knew I was in over my head. I needed an extra set of hands. I'm kinda thinking Amalah had the right idea for a superpower. I wiped as much as I could (no where near all of it) and started looking around for a diaper disposal option. There was no way I could wrap it up all nice and neat and get it in the diaper pail. I needed a plastic bag. Those were in the kitchen. I had to run to get one, screaming "Don't roll over! Don't roll over!" the entire way. She obliged.
I get back and dispose of the nastiness. I knew she needed a bath. There is no wipe in the world that was gonna be able to get poop out of her hair. I picked her up facing out (I had thoroughly cleaned the poop off the back part, so it didn't get on me) and we headed to the kitchen (where the baby tub lives). I had to position the tub over the sink, under the faucet, making sure it wouldn't fall in the other side. No easy feat when you're doing it one-handed. I managed and was pretty proud of myself. I filled it, checked the temperature and plopped her in. I figured the worst was over. We did the normal washing stuff and I got all the nastiness off of her. When I went to lean her forward to wash her back, she decided she didn't want to. So I took my hand off the front of her. She changed her mind about the leaning, so she plowed herself in the side of the tub. Then the crying started. I moved her back and she started crying. So I'm trying to get the poop out of her hair while she's screaming at me and I'm trying to soothe her and AAAHHHH! Ugh. We managed. I had to get a towel. When she gets her bath at night, Tony brings the towel and I pick up the wet wiggly baby and hand her to him. It's our thing. This time I had to figure out how to hold the towel, get her out and wrap her up by myself. For the record, yes, I had to leave her, but I didn't even leave the room, there was barely any water in the tub and I watched her the whole 3 seconds it took to get the towel. I managed to lean back letting gravity hold the towel against me while I picked her up and didn't drop her and got all wet in the process but we were done. I dried her off (she's still screaming cuz she's cold), put on a clean diaper and dry clothes and we were done.
Right then Tony walked in the door. I wanted to kill him for his lucky timing. Not fair. And remembering all that to write it out has made me very, very tired.
Mommy-hood is gross.